Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Mental Health

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and I worry because I live in an area with very few (almost none) mental health services.
Admittedly, I have a lot going on between my daughters, work (I just picked up another job), grad school, my marriage, trying to get healthy and the basics of keeping myself and my family afloat.  But sometimes I have episodes that are altogether different.  Intellectually, I know that the feelings that I'm experiencing in the moment are way too extreme for the circumstances.  That unfortunately doesn't make them any less real.  I try to readjust, but this often makes things worse.
I need to be in counseling, I think.  I mostly have a handle on the day-to-day, but I have these moments.  These moments where I feel like I'm drowning, or when I can't seem to move my limbs at all, or when my world flashes white with unexpected and unwarranted rage towards people that I love.  Where my mind stops me.
I don't think it would scare me if I didn't know that the nearest mental health clinic is over forty five minutes away and grossly overbooked.  I think that I would seek help more readily if I felt like I could get it here.  I'm too busy, frankly, to sit and talk about problems that I talk to myself about over and over.  If I try to fit one more thing in my schedule, I feel as though my life will collapse under all that weight.
For now, I'm trying meditation.  I can only hope it's enough.