Tuesday, May 14, 2013

School: Grad-u-it, eventually grad-u-ate

I'm being trepidatious about applying to grad school.  (So much so that I distracted myself with an interesting defense of trepidatious as a word here. I vote yeah.  Or is it yay?)  I am applying to my alma mater.  I went on the website to see what I would have to do and discovered that the application deadline had been extended from April 1.  I should take it as a sign!  I need to get on this.  But I'm so nervous.
1! I hate rejection.  Who doesn't?  I am so scared that they're going to say no after I get my hopes up.  That my heart will be broken.
2!  I don't know if I can afford it.  Going back to school means moving and trying to negotiate a new living situation, a new work situation, books, childcare, food, tuition.  I can barely afford my life right now.  Let me add in school, the job that you pay.  I don't know if we can carry it.
3!  I don't know if I'm ready.  My brain feels totally dead lately.  I am having trouble just balancing some recreational reading and writing with my everyday life with Lala and Bard.  Can I really carry a course-load?   I want school to be successful.  Can I truly devote the time I need to do this correctly?
4!  A biggie!  I don't know that I know what I want to do.  When I apply it will be for literacy education.  I don't know if that's wise.  I like parts of teaching.  I love to write lesson plans (well, come up with the ideas for lessons).  I love working with kids, I love having a job that I can take home and mull over (and have that actually work out for me).  I love the hours and the kid-friendliness of the profession.  But I'm intimidated by parents, other teachers and staff, socially awkward in a way that hinders my progress.  Should I spend the money and time and effort to get this Master's if I'm not sure I want to pursue this profession?  Should I leave this profession behind when I haven't gotten a chance to really experience it, and what I have experienced I have loved?
The window for the application is open.
I am going to do it.  I can do it.
In other news, I am making fettuccine alfredo for dinner.  I'll post the recipe later.

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