I'm being trepidatious about applying to grad school. (So much so that I distracted myself with an interesting defense of trepidatious as a word here. I vote yeah. Or is it yay?) I am applying to my alma mater. I went on the website to see what I would have to do and discovered that the application deadline had been extended from April 1. I should take it as a sign! I need to get on this. But I'm so nervous.
1! I hate rejection. Who doesn't? I am so scared that they're going to say no after I get my hopes up. That my heart will be broken.
2! I don't know if I can afford it. Going back to school means moving and trying to negotiate a new living situation, a new work situation, books, childcare, food, tuition. I can barely afford my life right now. Let me add in school, the job that you pay. I don't know if we can carry it.
3! I don't know if I'm ready. My brain feels totally dead lately. I am having trouble just balancing some recreational reading and writing with my everyday life with Lala and Bard. Can I really carry a course-load? I want school to be successful. Can I truly devote the time I need to do this correctly?
4! A biggie! I don't know that I know what I want to do. When I apply it will be for literacy education. I don't know if that's wise. I like parts of teaching. I love to write lesson plans (well, come up with the ideas for lessons). I love working with kids, I love having a job that I can take home and mull over (and have that actually work out for me). I love the hours and the kid-friendliness of the profession. But I'm intimidated by parents, other teachers and staff, socially awkward in a way that hinders my progress. Should I spend the money and time and effort to get this Master's if I'm not sure I want to pursue this profession? Should I leave this profession behind when I haven't gotten a chance to really experience it, and what I have experienced I have loved?
The window for the application is open.
I am going to do it. I can do it.
In other news, I am making fettuccine alfredo for dinner. I'll post the recipe later.